Part 17

It’s now Friday, May 9th and we are headed to the doctor again.  We were just there on Wednesday, so it feels way too soon to be headed back again.  Like clockwork, Ben and I arrive to a waiting room full of women – it’s still like a revolving door.

Sarah opens the door and her bright smiling face calls me back.  She escorts us to Room 1.  Dammit.  I hate Room 1.  She says, “You know the drill…strip from the waist down.  The doctor will be in soon.  Here’s the paperwork for your estrogen blood test.”  Sarah closes the door behind her, I strip from the waist down, sit down on the table and throw the paper blanket over my lap.  What’s the use of modesty here?

A few minutes later, Dr. Carnovale walks back in with Sarah and immediately gets to work.  Sarah loads the probe onto the ultrasound machine and Dr. Carnovale squeezes a glob of gel onto the probe – in it goes.

He starts digging around again.  This time he’s digging around more intensely.  It hurts.  I jerk and wince a little.  He looks up and says, “Sorry Jessica, your right ovary seems to be hiding today.  I’m having a hard time getting a good look at it.”

He keeps digging around and looking, snapping pictures, printing a few – and a few minutes later he’s done.  He says, “The cyst is still the same size which is good.  I see 4 or 5 decent size follicles.  We’ll see you on Monday to get another look after the weekend.”

Just like that Dr. Carnovale is out the door.  Sarah sticks around to ask about how much medication I have and places an order for me.  She says, “I’ll call when your blood tests come back with your new dosages.  Starting today, take it easy.  No exercise.  You’re ovaries are really large at this point and we don’t want them to flip over on themselves – that’s really bad.  Walking is about all you can do.  See you Monday!”

Just like that Sarah’s chipper face is out the door too.  I hop off the table, get dressed, and Ben and I walk out.  I stop by to get my blood drawn – my poor veins are getting a workout.  Just like that we’re out the door.  Later that day, Sarah calls and says, “Everything looks great with your levels Jessica.  Maintain your current dosages and we will see you at 8:30 a.m. on Monday the 12th.”

The next morning, I fly out to Atlanta for the day for a conference – which is good – it keeps my mind off things.  I fly home late that night and pour myself into bed.  Sunday morning Ben and I keep a pretty low profile.  We take a drive, get some breakfast, and stop by to see a co-worker’s new apartment in South Broad Ripple.  Tomorrow’s another appointment.

The next morning, Monday morning, I wake up and I just feel OFF.  I feel angry and edgy and MAD.  I feel like PMS times a thousand.  I look at Ben as he’s brushing his teeth and I’m hopping out of the shower and say to him, “I am mad.  I don’t know why.  But I’m mad.  I woke up that way.”  Then I just start crying.  Ben just stands there, toothbrush in mouth, staring at me.  I don’t think he knows what to say.  No matter what he does in this moment he runs the risk of a) getting punched b) sending me into a hormonal rage mostly directed at him or c) putting me into a total meltdown.  So instead, he just stands there like a deer in the headlights – no…sudden…moves.

Finally, he leans down to spit in the sink, looks up at me and says, “Deep breath babe.  It’s just the hormones.”

I take a deep breath and make a teary nod of approval.  Any words would open the floodgate of tears. I walk into the closet to get dressed.  We don’t have much time before we leave.

When we climb int the car my emotions are still all over the map.  I just feel really really emotional – but mostly angry.  Did I mention that I was angry?  The whole car ride I was on edge – which was perfect because traffic was MADNESS that morning (*sarcasm*).  There was a car accident on I-69, so we took the surface roads.  Well, so did everyone else.  As we headed down Allisonville Rd. (which usually flows pretty well in the morning) we hit dead stop traffic.  By the time we got to that point on Allisonville, it was too late to do anything about it.  There was no diversion we could take that would be better – there was no turning back.  What would normally be a 20 minute drive in the morning – took us almost 75 minutes.

I hate being late, so the delay put me even more on edge.  I called Dr. Carnovale’s office to let them know we were going to be late.  When Jodi answered, she said, “Just get here as soon as you can.  Everyone is running late because of the accident on 69.”

By the time we arrived for our 8:30 a.m. appointment, it was almost 9:30.  Sarah was waiting for us, so we walked in and walked straight back to a room – Room 1- again (dammit).  Sarah left and I went through the drill that’s become all too familiar – strip from the waist down, sit on the table, throw the paper blanket on my lap.  Soon thereafter Dr. Carnovale and Sarah walk back in.  Today, however, Dr. Carnovale is more chatty – perfect – the day I am totally not in the mood to chat, this guy wants to be my friend.

He asks about the traffic and then says, “So Jessica, how are you feeling?”

Without even thinking, I say, “To be honest, I’m really cranky.”

Dr. Carnovale looks back at me with a look of shock.  I don’t think he knew what to do.  I’m the easy patient.  I’m the one who’s kind and easy going and low maintenance in the office – I intentionally try to be.  He deals with a lot of hormones and emotions and stress with his patients.  I try to be the bright spot.  So he’s seems surprised by the recent change in character.

I finish by saying, “I woke up this morning and feel really edgy.  I can FEEL that my hormone levels are really high.”

He said, “Well let’s take a look at your ovaries.  If your estrogen level is up, that is an indication it’s time to schedule retrieval, that the follicles are close to mature.”

As quickly as I can lay down on the table, the probe is in and it’s the same as usual – the digging, the clicking, the printing.  As soon as it started it was over.  I sat up and Dr. Carnovale says, “Well Jessica, it looks like we’ve got 3 really good sized mature-looking follicles and 1 or 2 others that are still a little small.  Let’s see what your estrogen levels are and we’ll know if we can wait a little longer or if we need to schedule retrieval.”

Three.  What happened to 5 or 6?  I’m confused, so I ask.

I said, “Just three?”

“Yes.” Said Dr. Carnovale.

“Is there a chance that more follicles will still form?” I asked.

Dr. Carnovale sits back down on his stool and says, “Unfortunately no, Jessica.  At this point I think we are probably looking at three eggs for retrieval.  Let’s get your blood levels and we can see what the next couple days will look like.”

Just like that Sarah and Dr. Carnovale are out the door.

I turn and look at Ben and say, “Three.”

Ben looks back at me with a smile on his face and says, “Hey, three is better than zero.”

With tears in my eyes again, I smile and nod.  He’s right.  Three chances are better than none.

I get dressed, get my blood taken and we head home.

A couple hours later Sarah calls, “Hi Jessica!  It’s Sarah from Dr. Carnovale’s office (her voice is unmistakable, I don’t know why she always reminds me where she works).  We got your blood test back and your estrogen levels are up.  They’re almost triple the normal range (well that explains the edginess).  Dr. Carnovale went ahead and scheduled you for retrieval on Wednesday (as in the day after tomorrow) at noon.  Now listen very carefully.  You need to take your HCG (the booster) shot at 1 a.m. on Tuesday morning – that’s the middle of the night tonight.”

Sarah slows down and her voice drops to very serious tone, “It’s VERY VERY important that you take the shot at exactly 1 a.m. tonight.  If you don’t take it at the exact time, it could jeopardize the egg retrieval and we may not be able to retrieve the eggs.  This shot isn’t a belly shot like your other injections, this one is a bottom shot.  Be sure to read the instructions VERY carefully.  If you have any questions please call me. You need to be at the hospital by 11 a.m. to check in and do pre-op.  You will be under anesthesia for the procedure for about an hour so you will need a driver.  You’ll probably want to take the rest of the day off too.  Alright Jessica, do you have any questions?”

“I don’t think so.” I respond.

Sarah raises her tone back to normal levels, “Alright well we will see you on Wednesday for egg retrieval!”